I’m Hitting Quit

I’m gonna quit.

Image Credit: The Darkside Detective: A Fumble In the Dark

This is talking about my job, by the way. Not right as this moment, not today, but soon. Possibly in the next couple of months and a hard plan to go at the latest by mid-year.

I know it may seem sudden especially during a global pandemic, but I’ve been at the job for more than 3 years now. In that time, I’ve only received one pay raise in my first year which was less than 2% of my total salary anyway. I couldn’t say anything about 2020, since everyone’s wages were frozen because we weren’t at a strong financial standpoint at the time. I also suffered a meltdown during that time since a lot of work was being thrown my way and I was stressed because I couldn’t exactly count on my senior/manager then to help me out a lot as he didn’t have the working knowledge of many things. I liked him as a person, but that year I also busted my ass off and got pleurisy which had me off work for over a week.

And nepotism. I’ve seen changes within my direct team and though I don’t have anything personally against anyone, I can see the favouritism playing out. The differential treatment which has led me to really reconsider my options. They say that you either try to sabotage, backstab or you just don’t really give a crap anymore when nepotism is detected in the workplace. I’m in the latter bucket. I admit that I’ve self-sabotaged a couple of times already, but I just don’t believe in playing the office politics game and stabbing other people in the back. I’m just not interested.

I don’t like to suck up to people and I never have. I especially, especially hate fakeness. I’m open to flattery, but even then that only works on me to a certain extent (this is why I could never work in sales). And another reason why I haven’t resorted to trying to make others look bad is because I haven’t had the real need to. In my case, we have a girl working in the team whose mother is very close friends with my boss. Judging from their interactions at work, I suspect she could even be her godmother. Anyway, we’ll call her Cookie. Now Cookie was your average graduate with very little work experience, but because of her ties with my boss, she didn’t have to undergo a formal interview process and her job was specifically created for her. It would be an understatement to say that she was lacking the skills needed for the type of work we do; she had to be shown the ropes and trained from scratch. Cookie’s been here for a couple of years now, but she’s already received a job title change that she was heavily hinting at but her skill level doesn’t truly match. Often, I’ll be asked to prepare things for her or teach her how to do it. At the end of the day, I don’t really have time to meet my own objectives at work because I’m busy doing someone else’s. Nor do I get any real thanks or recognition because they will see Cookie’s name mentioned instead of mine.

You see, I think of jobs like relationships. Some relationships are actually worse than being single; and some jobs are worse than being unemployed. I’ve learnt that you can wait and hope for people to change, but for some reason, no matter what you do, you’re just not good enough for them. You could be the best person in the world, but yet they’ll choose to treat you like a common possession. They won’t appreciate you. It’s a little bit like unrequited love. But the important thing is to recognise your own self-worth. That you have value that someone else will appreciate.

I do have value and I realize it, so I’m gonna quit. And I know someone else will see me for what I am worth too.

Writer’s Block: A Remedy

It’s really something that happens to not only writers, but everyone. There will come a point where you’re not sure what to create – be it drawing,writing, composing…

You think you know the answer to it. A lot of people will just say, you need to just push through it. NO. Writing badly is still bad writing. Of course you can just take it as practice, but let’s not pretend that sometimes pushing through garbage means that you’re just pushing garbage around.

The important thing is to look at why you do something. Remember Simon Sinek’s – Start With Why video? Well, why do you write? Why do people write? Why create something? What purpose does your creation serve? So maybe you say you like to write. That’s fine and a valid reason for doing so. But ultimately, most people create something to be consumed. A chef creates a meal to be eaten. A producer creates a film to be watched. And so why does a writer write for? They write something in order for it to be read.

So what do you do when you hit a block? The natural antithesis is to consume when you can’t create. When a chef runs out of ideas about what to cook, they probably go and eat something new. Although they could just wing it and try to cook something new, it’s quite possible that they will create something magnificent or something totally inedible. And the thing is sometimes failure doesn’t feel like the mother of success and you stop doing things altogether.

The truth is: it is much better to take a backseat as an audience member and watch a show with different actors if you yourself can’t seem to pull of your part. There is something to learn from everyone. If you take Maria Callas for example, considered one of the most influential opera singers of the 20th century – who would stay at the music conservatory for 10 hours a day until the last pupil finished. Her teacher asked why she did this and she said:

“Even with the least talented pupil, he can teach you something that you, the most talented, might not be able to do.”

Maria Callas, soprano

She never thought she was ‘above’ anyone in terms of learning and that holds true for anyone. I once came across a violin teacher who played beautifully and yet he humbly stated, “I’m still learning.” A chef trying to create a new dish, would benefit from eating another person’s dish, as well as sampling new and different flavors. Like a chef who likes to cook and eat, a writer must also love to write and read. And that’s not just tasting your own dishes or reading your own work.

Like fellow writer, Cristian Mihai says, you can often hit inspiration to write by reading. Yes, reading. I’ve found that I’m usually able to spark something when I’m actually consuming someone else’s content. It can be a book, a poem, a blog post, an opinion piece, lyrics… almost anything. And because I’ve done just that, I’ve actually been able to write this piece. So next time you hit a block or a wall, remember it’s best to just step away for the moment, go take a break, go on a walk, stretch, read a book, watch a show, play a game, drink some water because the princess is not in this castle tool that you need to break down that wall with or dig around is somewhere else.

Writer’s Block

Photo by Janson K. from Pexels

Sorry about the last post (for the few who did see it). It was horribly worded, didn’t really have any real purpose and was a bunch of scrambled thoughts that should have never really made it’s way to being a published post.

If you haven’t noticed, I haven’t written a blog post for over a month now (discounting that last piece).

I’m suffering a little from writer’s block and sometimes it just helps me scratch some ideas out. So if you did see what I wrote, then you can take that as a page from a scratch pad. In the same way that artists have sketch pads, I find it easier to jot some ideas down. But like I said before, some ideas should just stay the way they are. As ideas. And nothing more. Sometimes ideas like that just aren’t really conducive to anything, to be honest.

It was really a mistake, so I’ve since pinned it. Just like ripping a page out from a pad and then scrunching it up into a ball and chucking it into the bin. And you know what? That’s okay. I feel like this post is more defined than the last. We make mistakes, admit and learn from them and move on.

The whole point with anything is to leave it better than you found it.

That shall be my mantra.

Now that I’ve written this, strangely I’ve actually had a few more ideas pop up in my head about what to write. It’s really weird how inspiration hits you at the oddest hours. I’m not saying that these are polished ideas, but I can tell you that I can see myself doing something with them.

Guess it’s true, sometimes you have to fail to win.

Failure is the mother of success, after all.

A thought, gratitude

Photo by Dzenina Lukac from Pexels

Remember that this is all temporary and will soon come to pass.

That’s what I’ve told myself during the times where I’ve dipped very low. I remember the times when I was an under and unemployed grad making less than minimum wage doing transcription work at home. I guess Amazon Mechanical Turk workers feel this too, even though it does provide opportunities for people to work. Low-paid work. Very low-paid work.

And now, here I find myself working from home again. Except now this is a public mandate and thank goodness, I’m definitely making more than minimum wage.

If you know me well enough, you’ll know that I am mostly a homebody that likes travel. Obviously now, international travel is out of the question but a confession here: I’ve never visited the South Island of New Zealand. Sure, I’ve been living here for close to 30 years (oh my) but I was always drawn to greener grass, over the seas. So now that I’m in this predicament, I might as well just roll with the punches.

The thing is, you will never learn to be grateful if you choose to keep on choosing to focus and chase after things that don’t matter. I believe that for the most part, happiness is a choice. I’m sure we all know someone who’s a miserly tightwad with more cash than the majority, yet chooses to not spend that money or give it away. I’m not here to tell you how to feel or how you should feel, since feelings are a natural physiological response to your circumstances. All I’m saying is, although we can’t change some things, there are at least a few things we can control.

It was actually really strange but I have to admit that paradoxically, most of my anxiety dissipated when news of the the pandemic broke out and that we would have to go into lockdown. It was almost as if all my previous experiences being so low and ridden with self-doubt played out worse in my mind. To me, I had already experienced something that I had perceived as much worse than what I am experiencing now. Don’t get me wrong, I am not downplaying the issue here. It is serious – people are losing their lives, jobs and other valuable things during this pandemic. All I am doing is giving my own personal view of where I stand and how I feel at these moments.

I guess it all boils down to one word in the end: gratitude. Even in times of darkness, there is still a glimmer of hope. You can choose to seek light. Or darkness. They cannot exist without each other and life-and-death situations really help put things into perspective. Suddenly those things that I used to worry about no longer phase me. My friends, family and health are at the forefront. They’ve always been important; yet now even more so. It’s hard not to be thankful for these kinds of things nowadays. After all, you only begin to realize that you should clutch harder onto your cloth just as the wind comes to take it away.

Real Neat Blog Award

It’s taken me awhile to respond – have been MIA generally from a lot of the social media stuff but I’ve been tagged for the Real Neat Blog Award!

Thank you to Megan from A Geeky Gal for tagging me (and if you don’t know her blog, then please do go and check it out! I’m not just saying that because she tagged me but she writes about a lot of geeky things like gaming and cosplay which is likely to resonate with you if you’re reading this).

The Rules:

  • Display the Award Logo.
  • Thank the blogger who nominated you and post a link to their blog.
  • Answer the questions of the one who nominated you.
  • Nominate 7-10 bloggers.
  • Ask them seven questions.

Now, I’m late in answering these questions but at the same time I do want to answer them. So here’s my attempt (better late than never, right?):

Megan’s Questions:

  • If you have a New Year’s resolution, what is it? If you don’t, what is one thing you’re working on for yourself this year?

    Hmmm… I can’t really say that I do new year’s resolutions but I do definitely have goals in mind. I’ve noticed in the past however that if I announce it publicly (usually to a friend or on social media) that I don’t really have the willpower to actually accomplish it anymore. The reason why I used to do this was because I felt like someone would hold me accountable, but the truth is they would cheer me on regardless and I’d feel good, but never actually complete what I set out to do.

    Then I came across this article about why sharing goals isn’t always a good idea and everything made sense. So these days, I just say I’m working on something general. I will say that something that is on my radar is my health and I’d like to continue to lower my cholesterol levels to a be within the normal range (general enough, but something I’m working towards, right?)

  • What is something you are looking forward to this year?

    Though we’ve gotten off to a bad start with things like the bushfires in Australia and coronavirus breaking out in China, I believe there’s always something to look forward to. One of these is definitely the new Animal Crossing: New Horizons game launching next month. You bet I’m putting my pre-order in! I’ve dabbled with the mobile version, Pocket Camp which was released more than 2 years ago but I think it’s really great that they’re returning to console. Especially since I just bought a Switch last year.

  • Tell me one thing you love about yourself and expand on it if you’d like.

    My smile. That is all.

    I actually love laughing so I guess I’ll say that I appreciate my ability to laugh at things. Even if they’re not that funny. Maybe I just have a low threshold for laughter.

  • What is something you achieved last year that you are proud of?

    Launched this blog! I had been thinking about it for sometime, because I’ve always felt like it was always easier to express myself in writing rather than talking. Sometimes I run out of breath or water when I’m talking a lot on stream, so it’s nice to let my fingers do the talking every now and then.

  • Tell me about something you’ve watched or read or played lately that you’d recommend to me.

    A little indie game called Coffee Talk. I initially came to know about this game because another streamer and friend of mine, RoninuWu was playing a demo of the game. What drew me in was the beautiful pixel art, the chill music and the dialogue. In fact, this is probably what keeps me playing the game right now – I’ve still yet to complete it, but I am enjoying it and looking to write a review when I’m done 🙂

  • What are three things that you are happy about right now?

    – That I actually have enough money in my bank account to actually buy and replace things without having to worry about it (goodbye unemployed grad days!)

    – Though I may have few friends and family around me, it’s nice to know (and be reminded) that they care about me.

    – Made it another year through life! Leveling up soon 😀

  • What is one hobby you’d like to take up this year?

    I used to paint and draw as a child, but somehow I decided to put that on the backburner as I grew older. I’d like to take this up again and hone my skills and gain a sense of mastery with it. Obviously we’re all work-in-progress, but if I can keep learning and improving then I would say that is the (artistic) direction I want to go in.

    That, or maybe I’ll finally go and enrol in a martial arts class.

    — JP

Now my nominees are *drum roll please*:

Later Levels – a neat blog by Kim who writes about gaming as we gain experience in the real world and in game.

Leeks Plays – an avid Simmer at heart, Krista has been a long-time gaming that gives her thoughts on tech, gaming and lifestyle.

McKenna Talks About Games – pure discussion and a look at video games ranging with a focus on the Pokémon, Animal Crossing and Legend of Zelda franchises.

Everything is Bad For You – an attorney by profession, escaping through games, anime and other weeby pursuits is how this blog rolls.

Gao Li Occasionally Reviews – probably self-explanatory, but he’s talking about a variety of games here.

Why We Play Games – Kelly shares her in-depth thoughts on games and life in general, while analyzing why we choose to push that button.

Tales from the Backlog – because nobody wants to acknowledge the elephant in the room for people like us, except for Carlton.

And my questions for you:

  • What’s your favorite book? If you don’t have one, what is a piece of literature that you’d recommend for me to read and why?
  • If you only got to play one game for the rest of your life, what would it be and why?
  • Where’s the next place you’d like to travel to and what are the reasons?
  • How do you life your coffee or tea?
  • Do you have any allergies?
  • Are you a morning lark or a night owl?
  • Who’s that artist or band you have on endless repeat when you’re looking for something to listen to?

Feel free to answer as little to as much as you like (or even not at all), I had fun writing this up and this has helped me break this dry spell and set some writing prompts for the future. Thanks again Megan for letting me do this and thanks for reading!

Love, Scammer Girl

I never thought I would be here writing about another blogger and their integrity after dinner, but here I am. I’m talking about you, Love, Geeky Girl. I’m talking about one of my Twitter mutuals, Nerd House. He told me earlier today that you had blocked all of his accounts two weeks after you hired him as an intern and that you never paid him. You’re probably wondering what I have to do with all of this, but the fact is that I shared your link with him after I saw his tweet asking about any vacant social media or remote positions.

And that was back in late October. He later messaged me to tell me he got the job and I congratulated him.

But what I didn’t know was that this was all under a false pretense. Admittedly, I skimmed through your post and didn’t think much about sharing it. The last couple of weeks I saw him do giveaways on Twitter and actively promote your blog. I saw the number of followers double on Twitter due to his promotion. Yet, you decided not to pay him even though you mentioned that this was a PAID position:

So in part, I do feel a little guilty for having passed this onto him and learning the truth today. We were discussing how we should deal with this matter, since he was afraid that someone else would be roped into this scheme again. True enough, we see you post another casting call:

Please stop and be honest with people. Be honest with yourself.

How do you expect to gain trust and build up a strong community of supporters? If follower numbers mattered that much to you, you could always just buy them. Credibility has very little to do with the number of followers or likes you have. We all know that one person with thousands of followers but with very little engagement on their posts.

Now I don’t think that you’re the most evil person in the world and I’m not sending people on a witch-hunt for you or anything like that. All I’m saying is, if you say you’re going to pay someone, you should do it. Hell, I only worked like 2 days at this call centre before quitting and they still offered to pay me.

This is a chance to right your wrongs.

And I sincerely hope you do right your wrongs. Because karma really is one heck of a force – for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

There’s no such thing as a free lunch.